相亲遭遇尴尬 对象是我初恋情人

　　今天天气还是阴阴的，中午太阳只露了一露头，便被肆无忌惮的湿冷空气打回去。刚到傍晚时分，夜色便迫不及待地攻城略地，将最后一抹温暖裹挟起来。我顺着下班的车流望出去，希望沐菡(化名)能够及时出现，我好早一点回家。

　　求婚宛如施舍

　　沐菡一进来便说：“好冷啊！”我才注意到她竟穿了条极短的黑裙子，薄丝袜里的一双腿不知要承受怎样的折磨，在这秋寒乍起的日子里。幸好脚上穿的是双半高跟小靴，才让人稍稍感到安慰一点。问她为什么这样冷还要如此穿戴，她说早起时心情不好，所以穿了这条她感觉不错的裙子，为的是让自己看上去顺眼一点。我听得出神，从没见谁用过如此奇怪的方式自我安慰。

　　3个月前，就在我生日那天，祖华(化名)向我求婚了。他是我谈了3年的男朋友，现在我已经分不清究竟是因为喜欢他而和他在一起，还是因为惯性使然。

　　初认识时，他还是一个刚踏入社会不久的广告业务员，为了生活在职场奋力打拼。那时的他，为了能够拿到一份肥一点的单，不惜连续通宵加班，每当看着他努力睁着一双熬红了的眼睛跑来我的公司楼下，只为能够看我一眼，然后才好回去安心加班的时候，我都会在心底暗自欢喜，多好的一个人啊，我是真的感觉到了幸福。尽管我和他的将来依稀莫辨，甚至有点害怕会不会这样颠沛流离一辈子，但还是觉得心里暖暖的，似乎吃多少苦，等多久也都是值得的。可是，自从他的辛苦换来了事业的蒸蒸日上，我们见面的时间也就越来越少了。

　　我能记起来的，我和他最近的一次见面是在夏天的时候，他签下了一笔几百万元的代理合同，公司特意为他准备了一个内部宴会，我作为他的女友荣幸地受到了邀请，才盼山盼水地见了他一面。

　　我以为他会忘了我的生日，所以当接到他约我吃晚饭的电话，我特意跑去美甲店，奢侈地花了两百多块钱做了一副指甲，望着满手的晶莹璀璨，似乎看到了幸福女神在向我招手。可是，那是一个超乎我想象的晚上。整晚他都在讲话，讲他的工作，却没好好看过我一眼，还忘了对我说生日快乐。

　　“像是老天跟我开了一个大玩笑”，沐菡伸出一双空空荡荡的手，愈发显出满手指甲的斑斑驳驳，有点叫人不忍卒睹，就像看烟火，烟火有多绚烂，散后的天空就有多寂寥。

　　在志得意满地说完他的辉煌后，他向我求婚了。在这个让女人感觉矜贵的时刻，我感到的却是惊奇，而没有一点惊喜。没有戒指，也没有虔诚的恳求，我呆呆地看着他的双唇不断开合，讶异于何以他能够如此理直气壮地认为我应该无条件地答应嫁给他。具体他说了些什么，我已很难忆起，但大体意思是：经过反复比较，还是你好，有能力，外形尚佳——所以我给你一个做我老婆的机会。

　　相亲遭遇初恋

　　我当然是拒绝了。我不肯接受这个所谓的求婚，令祖华有点不敢相信，但他没有过多挽回，似乎坦然接受了这个现实。那晚我们从餐厅出来，街上空气很热，而我手脚冰凉，可能要结束一段3年的感情终究不是一件轻松的事。但最终我还是开口了，祖华觉得拒绝求婚是一件事，分手是一件事，他不明白我为什么要把两件事混为一谈，他说你再想想吧，不要那么冲动下决定。

　　祖华一直送我到家门口。我独自躺在床上，过往的点点滴滴齐上心头，我想起第一次见到祖华的情景。那时，我才刚同初恋男友分手，我大学时最好的朋友小米(化名)跟老爸吵翻天，打算出门买火车票来跟我过日子，听说我正经历着痛不欲生的失恋折磨，她就在来我住处的第一个晚上，为我带来了祖华——在武汉工作的她的老同学兼铁杆老友，和一帮在武汉的朋友同学，我和祖华就这样相识在一群年轻朋友为我准备的“相亲晚会”上。

那顿饭后的一个星期里，我过得浑浑噩噩，偶尔，祖华会给我打来电话问候一下，每次我都打起快乐的声音说自己过得很好，电话挂断之后，心里难免有点惆怅，不知祖华是不是一样的感受。



　　沐菡挑了挑眉梢，一缕幽愁挂在那里，我在想如果没有这惆怅压在上面，她眉飞色舞的样子一定很动人。

　　“旧的不去，新的不来”是小米挂在嘴巴上的名言，她知道我和祖华分手后，很快又为我张罗了一次相亲。这一次，是安排在她公司附近的一间咖啡馆，因为他是她的新同事，见面很方便。我比约定的时间早到了半个钟头，叫了一壶茶。正埋头看一本小书的时候，听到了小米喊我的声音，我抬头看去，却先看到了一张熟悉的脸，然后才是小米。

　　沐菡张了张口，想说的话却没有说出口，最终变成了心底的一声叹息：“你能想到那个人是谁吗？过了这好几年，我相亲的对象竟然会是曾经的初恋男友？”

　　哪份爱可以重来

　　我觉得那真是一个戏剧性的时刻。看着望洲(化名)我心里百感交集，很多我以为都已经忘记了的事情一下子全浮上心头。望洲大概也和我差不多，张着嘴，惶惶地眨着眼睛，好半天缓不过劲儿。小米奇怪地望着我，再望向他，像一台电风扇般转来转去。

　　那晚小米识趣地给了我们一个二人空间。望洲带我去了江滩，记得当年他向我示爱也是选在江边。江边的变化很大，没有变化的无非是情侣还是那么多。我们在江风里坐了很久，轻描淡写地说现在，云遮雾罩地谈过去。心灵却有微醺的醉意。等看到黎明的曙光时，我才发现我们居然在江边呆了一整夜，两个人却没有一丝困意。

　　回到房间里才发现望洲的外套仍然套在我的身上，被宠爱的温暖感觉便一直流淌到心底。我和望洲开始了约会，我们仿佛有默契，绝口不再提过去的往事，也不提分手后各自的感情经历，似乎分手只是昨天发生的事，而今天我们反悔了，于是再来爱过。

　　沐菡再次摊开双手，翻来覆去看了几遍，终于抬眼问询地望着我：“你相信掌纹吗？”我摇头，我总觉得命运是自己搏出来的，即便上天已有诸多安排，但你仍有抗争的权利。

　　祖华打来电话，他说很想念我，想见我一面，但是我拒绝了。我没有跟他讲和望洲重逢的事，因为我觉得这是我的私事，已经和他不再有任何干系了。不料，我下班回家，在楼下，看到了等我回来的祖华。他瘦了很多，可人看上去还是蛮精神的。他说想和我去外面坐坐，我同意了。

　　点完菜，3个月前的那一幕就重演了，不同的是有了事先安排好的玫瑰花和戒指。我有点哭笑不得，就把望洲搬了出来。祖华仿佛被震动了，可能他不相信我这么快就从和他的恋爱中抽身吧，不过，他依然没有失态，依然保持着固有的风度，只是话音未免有点干涩。

　　我将与祖华之间的事都告诉了望洲，因为我觉得他有权知道。那晚在送我回家的路上，望洲比较沉默，不像从前的他。快到我楼下时，望洲停下了，他说，不送你上楼了。转身要走的时候，却回过头来：“我爱你，可是还没爱到要娶你，这样的我，你还愿意交往吗？”我仿佛被人当胸打了一拳，闷在那里。

　　现在，我和望洲似乎并没有停止交往，可祖华也依旧不时打来电话，我不知道该怎样选择，在他们两个之间；我也弄不清楚自己，究竟爱哪一个或是两个都不该爱？

　　看着坐在对面魂不守舍的沐菡，我好像有一点想明白了，其实让那裙子自找寒冷，是为让身体的冷遮住心里的冷。想到这里真是觉得“我见犹怜”了，只是不知祖华和望洲哪一个更懂得怜惜她？

　　编辑张庆手记：等待真爱

　　值得等待的，唯有真爱。

　　有时我们会分不清楚，因为有许多东西扰乱了我们的思维。

　　钻石闪耀，鲜花芬芳，让人睁不开眼，呼吸困难，哪里能够意识清醒，冷静判断。

　　当然，如果认定婚姻是一种归宿，而不是一种生活，自是另一种价值观。在这种价值观里，一切由对方表现出发，而不是从自己的心出发。对方的财力，对自己的态度，是权衡的主要指标。至于，自己的感情，自己的心跳，当是忽略至一边。

　　而如果，相信爱情的存在，相信有爱才能有婚姻，那么选择是不难的。

　　自己的心里，真正装的是谁，谁的皱眉会让自己跟着难过，谁的微笑会让自己跟着开心，这个答案，不需思索，早已根植芳心。
 

 

Weather or阴阴today, and at noon the sun is only a surface exposed, it was reckless to fight back the wet cold. Just arrived in the evening, night攻城略地could not wait to the last touch of warmth to裹挟. I follow the flow of traffic going to and returning from望出去hope Mu Han (a pseudonym) can occur in time, I better go home early.

Marriage is like charity

I will come in Han Mu said: "好冷ah!" I noted that she be wearing a very short black skirt, a thin legs in stockings, I do not know how to bear the torture, since in this day's秋寒Lane. Fortunately, the shoes and wearing high-heeled pairs of semi-small boots, a little comfort to people that. Asked her why so cold so would also like to wear, she said that when a bad mood to get up early, so she wore this dress feel good in order to look pleasing to the eye so that their point. I listened spellbound, from whom not seen such a strange way of used self-comforting.

3 months ago, in my birthday, Zu-hua (a pseudonym), a proposal to me. He talked about my boyfriend of 3 years, and now I have not distinguish whether it is because they like him and with him, or because the nature of inertia.

The beginning of understanding, he is still a community will soon have just entered the advertising salesman, in order to strive hard to live in the workplace. At that time, he order to be able to get a single bit of fat at the cost of overtime for the night, when looking at a pair of his efforts to boil睁着red eyes came downstairs for my company, I am only able to see at a glance, to do overtime and then go back and feel at ease, I will secretly delight in the bottom of my heart, more than a good one, ah, I really felt happy. Although he and I vaguely Mo future debate, and even a little bit back and forth will not be so afraid of life, but still feel the warm heart, it seems that the number of hard to eat, and how long they are worth it. However, since he was paid out for the cause of the hard work of growing, we see less and less time it has been.

I can remember, and I and his recent first meeting in the summer, he signed a few hundred million agency contract, the company he had prepared specifically for an internal party, as have the honor of his girlfriend by invitation only hope for the water to look forward to Hill met with him.

I thought he was going to forget my birthday, so when he received about the phone I eat dinner, I deliberately ran nail shops, a luxury to have spent more than two hundred dollars a nails done, watching the hands of Jingying bright, it seems happy to see her waving to me. However, it was a night beyond my imagination. In his speech the night he, speaking of his work, not a good read I also forgot to say happy birthday to me.

"God told me to open like a big joke," Han Mu out a pair of empty hands, fingernails more over the spot shows mottled refuting, some very dreadful, like watching fireworks, pyrotechnics are more gorgeous, casual and more after the solitude of the sky alone.

Having satisfied all over the floor in his glory, he has told me to marry him. So that women feel in this moment矜贵, I feel it is amazing, and no surprises. No rings, no pious plea, I stared at him constantly opening and closing of the lips, surprised at how he could so confidently that I should have unconditionally agreed to marry him. Specifically what he said, I find it difficult to recall, but the general meaning is: After repeated comparisons, or Hello, have the ability, SHANG Jia shape - so I'll give you an opportunity to do my wife.

Each encounter first love

I of course refused. I refuse to accept the so-called marriage, the Zu-hua can not believe that a little bit, but he did not save too much, it seems calm and accept this reality. Night we come out from the restaurant, the street the air was very hot, cold hands and feet and I may have to end the feelings of a period of 3 years, it is not an easy thing. But in the end I was still open, and Zu-hua refused to marry him that is one thing, breaking up is one thing, he does not understand why I mixed up two things, he said that you would think about it and not be so impulsive decision.

Zu-hua has sent me home at the entrance. I am alone in bed, in the past, the little drops of Qi on the heart, the first time reminds me of the scene to see Zu-hua. At that time, I just broke up with her first love, my best friend at the University of millet (a pseudonym)吵翻days with the father, intends to buy a train ticket to go out with me live, I heard that I was experiencing the pain of the tortured romance, she come to my residence on the first evening, brings me to Zu-hua - to work in Wuhan, her old classmates and old friends irons, and a group of friends in Wuhan students, and Zu-hua so I met a group of I have prepared young people for the "show love" on.

Dayton meal that week, I live浑浑噩噩occasionally, Zu-hua made a phone call to give me some greetings, happy playing every time I say that they live in a very good voice, phone hang up after the inevitable heart a bit melancholy, Zu-hua is not the same as I do not know the feeling.



Mu Han pick out the tip of brow, You worry about ray hanging there, I wonder if there is no pressure at the top of this melancholy, enraptured face, she must be very touching.

"Not the old, not new" is hung in the mouth of millet on the famous, and Zu-hua she know that I broke up soon after I get together for a blind date. This time, her company is in a nearby coffee shop, because he is her new colleagues, to meet easily. Than the agreed time I had half an hour early, called a pot of tea. Are immersed in a small看一本that time, I heard voices shouting millet, I think the rise, but to see a familiar face, and then is millet.

Mu-Han Zhang a mouth opening, did not want to say that the export, the final turned into a sigh of the heart: "You can think of who do that? Over the years, I was the object of love is the love men have Friends? "

Love which can be re -

I think that is a dramatic moment. See Wang Chau (a pseudonym), mixed feelings in my heart, I think many have forgotten that all of a sudden the whole thing up to my heart. Chau probably look and I almost, Zhang着嘴,眨着panic in the eyes, but energy好半天ease. Millet looked at me strangely, and then look to him as a fan-like switch.

Play gooseberry millet night to give us a two-person space. Wang Chau took me to the beach, I remember that I love when he is elected to the riverside. Significant changes in the river bank, there is no change is nothing more than the couple or less. Jiang wind we sat for a long time, say that lightly, cloud cover and fog cover on the past. The tipsy微醺soul there. And so on to see the sunrise, I found that we had to stay in the river bank all night, two people have not the slightest intention storm.

Back to the room only to find the coat look Chau is still set in my body was feeling the warmth of love has been flowing to the bottom of my heart. Chau and I started looking around, we seem to have a tacit understanding, and never mention the past is no longer the past, not to mention after breaking up the feelings of their experience, it seems that breaking up is just what happened yesterday, and today we go back, and then loved again.

Mu Han once again stretch out your hands, watched over and over again several times, finally inquiries eyes looked at me: "Do you believe Palmprint it?" I shook his head, I always feel that fate is out of their own risk, even if there are many arrangements to heaven , but you still have the right to protest.

Zu-hua made a phone call, he said that I miss, I want to see side, but I refused. I have not told him and the look of the Island again because I think this is my private affair, and he no longer has any of the dry line. Unexpectedly, I got home from work, in the downstairs waiting for me to see the back of the Zu-hua. He lost a lot of it looks pretty nice spirit. He said and I would like to sit outside, I agreed.

End point of vegetables, 3 months ago on a repeat of the scene, unlike the pre-arranged with roses and rings. I am a bit dumbfounding, they hope to move out of continents. Zu-hua was shaking as if, perhaps he did not believe me so soon and his love from the exit of it, but he still did not loss, remains the inherent grace, but the voice is a bit dry.

I will be a matter between the Zu-hua told Lookout Island, because I think he has the right to know. Sent me home at night on the road, look relatively silent Chau, unlike his previous. I am coming downstairs, Wang Chau stopped, he said that you send the upstairs. When turned to go, but come back to: "I love you, but have not love to marry you, such as me, you are also willing to exchange it?" I like being punched当胸played, stuffy in there .

Now, I hope that does not seem to have stopped Chau contacts, Zu-hua also still be called from time to time, I do not know how to choose, in between the two of them; I am not sure themselves, or whether the love which the two were not the love?

Looking at sitting on the opposite side of the Mu Han魂不守舍, it seems that I would like to see, in fact, brought her skirt so that the cold is to cover the body of the cold cold heart. Thought here is that "I still see far", but I do not know, and Zu-hua Wang Chau know what a pity her?

Editor Zhang Notes: waiting for love

Worth the wait, only love.

Sometimes we will be poorly demarcated, because there are many things to disrupt our way of thinking.

Diamond shines, flowers and fragrant, it睁不开eyes, difficulty in breathing, able to sense where clear and calm to judge.

Of course, if that marriage is a destination rather than a life, of course, is another value. In these values, the performance of all by the other side, instead of starting from our own hearts. Each other's financial resources, his own attitude is the main indicator of trade-offs. As for their feelings, their own heart, when it is neglected to the side.

And if I believe that the existence of love, I believe that marriage can have love, then it is not difficult to choose.

Own heart, who really installed, who will themselves follow the frown sad smile who will follow their own fun, the answer, without thinking, has long been rooted heart.